


Sat by the River and It Made Me Complete

by vampcoffeegyrl23



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, F/M, Snowbarry Spot April Minibang, Spring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampcoffeegyrl23/pseuds/vampcoffeegyrl23
Summary: There was a place just on the edge of Central City along where a little river ran that Barry always found himself when he was angry or upset or just needed time alone. It was a random spot, nothing extraordinary or special about it, but it was where he felt the most at peace. The most whole, the most complete. He had been going there ever since he was little, when his mother first brought him there on a sunny spring day. As the years go by, that spot becomes a sanctuary to him. And one day as an adult, he finds someone else there who becomes his whole world. Someone to share in that precious sanctuary.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Caitlin Snow
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37
Collections: Snowbarry Spot Discord Server - April Minibang





	Sat by the River and It Made Me Complete

**Author's Note:**

> Entry for the 2020 Snowbarry Spot April Minibang event, a fic/art collaboration exchange. Some of the themes used were healing, in the rain, hope springs eternal. As part of the art/fic exchange, the totally awesome define_serenity created the really beautiful art cover piece seen below. ❤
> 
> Story takes place during season 1, and into season 2 though things do deviate slightly from the show.
> 
> The title, lyrics used in the story, and a lot of the idea for the story comes from the song "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. At this point I have now listened to that song (and various other covers/versions of it) at least a billion times. Probably won't be able to listen to it for a while, but it was well worth the inspiration and tone that it set for the story.

art by: [ttinycourageous](https://ttinycourageous.tumblr.com/) / [define_serenity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/define_serenity)

* * *

There was a place just on the edge of Central City along where a little river ran that Barry always found himself when he was angry or upset or just needed time alone. It was a random spot, nothing extraordinary or special about it, but it was where he felt the most at peace. The most whole, the most complete. He had been going there ever since he was little, when his mother first brought him there on a sunny spring day. 

His father was away out of town again at a medical conference, and it was just Barry and his mother. They often went to the park or for walks or out for ice cream when they weren’t at home together watching musicals. On one particular day, Barry missed his dad more than usual and he could tell his mom was sad too. They went for a walk at the edge of town along the Central City River and stopped at a place about halfway through. 

There was a fallen tree that lay across the river, completely mossed over and green. A few feet away stood a tall tree with little pink flowers on its low-hanging branches that dipped into the water. Pink petals were scattered all over the ground, as if there'd been a floral rain shower.

Nora sat down on the downed tree trunk and held him on her lap, hugging him tight and kissing the top of his head. He could feel her tears fall on his hair and skin, but he didn’t care because he was crying too. 

She held him close, whispering in his ear that daddy would be home soon and until then they had each other. They just sat there for a long time, crying as his mother held him and sang to him. After a while, his mother sat him down on the tree and knelt down in front of him. 

Nora explained that she came to this spot whenever she was upset or scared or angry and being there always made her feel better. Something about watching the river, she said, and being there with the deer and rabbits and trees and plants seemed to lift her spirits. Especially the tree with the pink flowers, as it smelled so peaceful and the flowers were her favorite color. 

She told him if he ever felt bad or felt like he needed to cry, to just tell her and she’d bring him there. And someday when he was older, he could come to their spot on his own too when he wanted to - maybe he’d even find someone special to share the spot with. From then on he and his mother visited their special place frequently, until the day Barry found himself there alone for the first time.

His mother had been dead for less than a week, his father was taken away by the police, and Barry was told he had to live with his best friend Iris and her dad Joe now. He was lost, scared, confused, hurting, and so very alone. And Joe wouldn’t let him go visit his dad.

Barry ran away all the time, most often to Iron Heights where his father was. But other times, he ran to his mother’s special place near the river. He would fall into the grass amongst the pink petals and cry and scream for hours until he fell asleep. Joe always found him at the prison, but never out by the river. All the years after he moved in with the West’s, and no one ever knew about his mother’s special place. 

As he got older, he continued to return to the fallen tree by the river. During high school and college, it was where he got his best studying done. While he did his forensic training and when he started working for CCPD, it was where he would decompress from the darker and more horrifying parts of his job. And it was where he would always feel closest to his mother - on her birthday, his parent’s anniversary, the day of the month when she was taken from him. Sometimes in the colder months he wouldn't spend as much time there, as it felt lonely there without the animals or lush colors and vegetation. Almost as if he couldn't feel his mother as much and it almost hurt more that she was gone.

Joe and Iris never asked him where he went, as if they understood in some way what it meant to him. They’d just nod and smile, pat him on the shoulder and ask if he was okay. He’d always say he was, even if he wasn’t. 

And then he was struck by lightning the day that Star Labs turned on the particle accelerator and nothing was the same again. He woke up nine months later to find his world completely turned upside down. 

He found himself at the fallen tree that night, after he’d run there with his new powers when he got back from Starling City and talked to Oliver. He stopped just steps away from the water and passed out, waking up hours later to the sunrise with dried tears and those petals on his face. 

His mother’s special place became even more of a sanctuary to him. Away from his job, his responsibilities as The Flash, and the weight of his desire to find the one who’d truly murdered his mother so he could free his father. His childhood crush on Iris was over - she’d fallen in love with someone else while he slept away in a coma. Joe worried about him even more now that he knew that his adopted son was a superhero, and Barry felt more guilty about it than anything else. 

His new friends at Star Labs meant everything to him, and he knew they cared about him as much as he cared for them. Dr. Wells had always been his hero growing up, but now he was also becoming a trusted mentor. Cisco was the fellow nerd friend/brother he’d never had growing up. 

And Caitlin . . . Caitlin was also someone who shared his scientific interests though she was also a warmth and kindness and fierce passion and beauty he’d never seen in anyone else before. But she was also grieving, lost in her own sadness and every time he saw those demons in her eyes he just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and protect her, even if it wasn’t his place. He settled for remaining her friend, comforting her from afar as they continued to fight the metahumans that threatened their city.

He finally got the chance to confront his mother’s murderer, the Reverse Flash, at Christmas but he failed to finally bring her justice. The other speedster was just too fast, too strong and in the end it was only because Caitlin’s metahuman fiance showed up and chased him off that Barry himself wasn’t killed too. Even as he lay broken and bleeding on the ground, all he could see was the pain and fear in Caitlin’s eyes as she ran past him, and hear her break as Ronnie told her not to look for him anymore and took off into the air. 

But even as he saw it, the weight of his mother’s loss was too great and Barry ran himself out of there before Caitlin or Cisco could say anything. He went to the fallen tree by the river for a while, and just sat there in silence before he went to his lab and talked to Joe. The talk soothed his pain some as well as spending time at the West house with his friends for the Christmas gathering, but seeing Caitlin’s pained smile brought everything back. He thought about the sadness in his mother’s eyes the first day she brought him to the fallen tree and how he could see that same shadow behind Caitlin’s smile. 

He wanted to make sure she was okay, ask her about it, but she left the party before he had the chance. It wasn’t long after she left that he said his goodbyes as well, his meta-advanced feet carrying him on a run that lasted for hours. By morning, he found himself returning once again to his mother’s special place.

This time, however, he caught sight of something new in the early dawn of sunrise. He ran himself out of sight, watching from a distance. There, on the fallen tree he’d spent so many hours of his life was a woman with pale skin and auburn hair covering her face as she cried. Her face was buried in her arms, her back rising and falling with her heaving breaths. He looked closer, recognizing the soft beige coat and grey skirt fanning out over her legs. The same dress he’d seen her in earlier at Joe’s.

Shock flooded his system and he stepped forward, a branch crunching under his feet. Caitlin stopped crying, her head lifting and looking straight where Barry was hiding. Using his speed, Barry ducked down out of sight. Caitlin stared in his direction for a few minutes before her tears began anew. Barry’s heart broke for her, now catching the glint of the ring she held in the early morning sun. While Barry was mourning the loss of his mother, Caitlin was mourning the loss of a man that didn’t seem to remember who he was or the woman he’d asked to marry him.

Barry stood frozen in the trees as her tears fragmented with a melancholy melody that cut right to his soul. And then she started to sing, and he just about burst into tears himself:

_Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?_

_I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on_

_So tell me when you're gonna let me in_

_I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin_

He knew the song well, had it on his own music account on his phone. Even though she was just a little off key, Barry was still mesmerized by the sound of her voice - the raw, gut-wrenching emotion that she poured out. Torn between comforting her and giving her space had him paralyzed where he stood. A few more verses in and Caitlin lost the song, drowning in her grief and sobs. 

A buzzing in the pocket of his shirt split his focus and he scrambled to turn it off, thankful he’d turned the ringer off earlier. A quick check revealed a text from Joe asking if he was okay. Releasing a breath, he took one last look at his grieving friend before he broke out in a run back toward Central City. 

Later that night, he dreamt of being at the fallen tree by the river but he was with Caitlin. The sun was shining as he held her in his arms, both of them laughing and smiling and kissing like lovers. The petals of his mother's favorite tree showered around them. The song she’d been singing played in the background. Deer pranced around them, and butterflies flew in the air. Caitlin opened her mouth to tell him something but then she disappeared from his arms and the dream ended, with Barry sitting straight up in his bed screaming. Sweat dripped down his face as he gasped for breath, hand over his chest.

Joe raced in a few moments later, eyes wide and checking his adopted son for injuries. Barry shook his head, told Joe it was a nightmare and told him to go back to bed. As he sat there after Joe left, his heart still racing, Barry could only think of the dream. Of the way it felt to hold and kiss a woman who’d quickly become one of the most important people in his life. Was he falling in love with her? Falling . . . The more he thought about her and of the dream, it was clear he was already past fallen. 

But none of it mattered, because Caitlin was still in love with Ronnie and if there was even a chance of getting her fiance back Barry was going to do everything he could to make that happen.

The following weeks went on without incident, and Barry didn’t tell Caitlin of finding her at the river or his dream. He did, however, see her there again. Every time his mind would wander to his favorite personal physician he’d find himself at that fallen tree the same time she would be there. He never approached her, or made himself known for fear of angering or scaring or disturbing her. He’d always just watch her for a few moments before taking off to give her her privacy. 

Team Flash continued their meta-fighting work, while Barry never stopped trying to find and stop Reverse Flash. For Caitlin, Ronnie returned to her and they found out he was sharing his body with Professor Stein. But Ronnie and Stein soon left to run from General Eiling and Caitlin was alone again. Barry watched her open up a little, but he could see she was still very much buried in her grief. Even as he saw her partially let down her defenses at the karaoke bar when she had a little too much to drink and got to hear her sing once more, he could still tell she was holding back. He remained a friend from afar, though his heart fell deeper for her every day and his dream of her was ever-present in his mind. In truth, every moment he spent away from her only made him love her more. He also came to term with the fact that he wasn’t at all in love with Iris anymore, and that he was more okay with that than he ever thought he could be. 

Finding out that Dr. Wells was the Reverse Flash was devastating, a horrible betrayal he could never have imagined. It was even worse having to tell Caitlin and Cisco that the man they trusted with not only their welfare but their lives and friendship wasn’t who they thought he was. The looks on their faces nearly broke him, worse than finding out himself. 

And then Ronnie came back. 

With the help of Firestorm and Oliver, Barry was finally able to capture the Reverse Flash. Everything he’d been working towards was finally in his grasp, he made the decision to go back in time to save his mother… But all he could think about as he stood in the background watching Ronnie and Caitlin vowing their lives to each other was how miserable he was. How wrong it was to see Caitlin with Ronnie, when all he could see in his mind’s eye was himself holding Caitlin in his dream. 

Nevertheless, he stayed focused on his goal, to save his mother. In his head, he told himself that his friends would be better off. That without Eobard Thawne’s influence they could live the lives they were meant to, be happy, have the careers and families they deserved. So he said his goodbyes, and took off running. 

But he couldn't do it. 

It took everything he had to let his mother die in his arms, but he did it because he realized the future he already had was what he truly wanted. That the lives his friends and family had now made them happy, and they deserved that. Even if his mother wasn’t there. Even if Caitlin was married to someone else. He’d have his friends, and Joe and Iris, and he’d find a way to get his dad out of prison. And he’d always have the memory of his mother, the time they shared together, and the fallen tree by the river where she taught him that he could get through anything.

Going back to the present hurt in about a million different ways, but he knew it was what he had to do. Everything snowballed from there, and before he knew what was happening he held a weeping Caitlin in his arms. Eddie and Ronnie were dead, and the Reverse Flash was gone for good, but all that mattered in that moment was that Caitlin needed him. Barry failed to save Ronnie, and now Caitlin was hurting and it was all his fault. 

Everything was numb and blurry around him, and he barely registered it as Cisco took a broken down Caitlin from him and guided her inside Star Labs. It wasn’t until Professor Stein snapped his fingers in front of him that Barry realized it was now dark outside. And everyone else was gone. He let Stein drive him home, where he found Joe just coming down the stairs telling him he’d tucked Iris into her old bed after she’d cried herself to sleep. So lost in his guilt and shame and grief, he couldn’t even comprehend that his childhood best friend was hurting too. 

Barry collapsed on the couch, unable to get the day's events out of his mind. Joe tried to get him to go up to bed but Barry couldn’t be convinced to move. Hours later he awoke still on the couch before the sun rose. His phone was buzzing in his pocket, and he checked it through blurry eyes. It was a few texts from Cisco, saying that he’d stayed with Caitlin all night and she wasn’t doing well at all. That she wouldn’t stop crying, but she wouldn’t talk either. Barry couldn’t get the image of her crying out of his head, just like that first day he’d found her by the river. The feeling of her sobs against his chest. 

If only he’d been able to find Ronnie, been able to save him. He’d happily watch their marriage from the shadows for decades if it meant taking away her tears.

He didn’t go to Star Labs that day or the days after. Nor did he go to his mother’s spot, grief and guilt and anger keeping him from his one place of peace - not that he wanted to run into Caitlin there anyways. The first week he spent all his time running with no destination in mind. He ignored the texts and calls from his friends. Only stopped at home to eat, recharge, and sleep when he knew Joe and Iris were gone at work. He watched over all of them from afar, patrolling the city, obsessing over the slightest feeling or clue that the Reverse Flash could be back. And then when he ran out of places to run, he began to rebuild the damage in the city caused by the Singularity. Star Labs, Jitters, people’s houses...he followed the path of destruction. The work both fueled and soothed his guilt, serving as a constant reminder of the consequences of his actions.

Spring bloomed in Central City, bringing with it warmer weather and the promise of new things. To Barry nothing felt warmer or new. Everything was cold and dark and broken. Lonely.

The few times he did see Joe or Iris at the house, all he’d get was a lecture and a pity party that just set his anger off more. He knew they meant well, but they only made him feel worse. He took on meta cases himself, sending a message through Joe that he didn’t need any help. Through Cisco’s texts he found out that he hadn’t seen much of Caitlin lately, and that she took a job at Mercury Labs working for Dr. McGee.

As much as he didn’t want his friends around at the moment, knowing that Caitlin took a job somewhere else _hurt_. Shattered the hope in the back of his heart that someday they’d all be a team again. But he also knew that it was his fault, he’d done this, so maybe he didn’t deserve to have a team to work with anymore. Or friends. Or the chance to tell Caitlin how he felt. He took her husband away and because of it he’d spend the rest of his life alone paying for it.

And then they announced there would be a Flash Day to celebrate the hero that saved them all from the Singularity. 

Barry went to go visit his father at Iron Heights for the first time since the Reverse Flash was gone. Henry told him that he was so proud of him, that he deserved the title of Hero that Central City wanted to give him. That there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that his wife was smiling down on their son with so much love. 

He told his dad what really happened, that it wasn’t him. He didn’t deserve anything. He caused it, and he failed, and the real hero was gone. Henry tried to console him, but Barry wasn’t hearing any of it. He left the prison in tears, running faster than he ever had before. Before he knew what happened, he found himself at the tree by the river. He landed hard, the soles of his feet colliding with the wood of the fallen tree and splintering cracks down the length of it. 

He could hear his mother’s voice that first day she’d brought him there, telling him that they’d always have each other. She echoed in his ear, and he curled up on the ground in a ball. The tears just wouldn’t stop, and the rage boiled in his veins. His mother’s soft voice turned to a shrill scream, begging for her life. He covered his ears, but he couldn’t block out the sound. It only grew louder, and was soon joined by the haunting melody of Caitlin’s broken cry-filled song. 

He cried out, screaming as the noise drowned everything out, consuming every fiber of his being. He scrambled to sit up, his back against the rotting trunk while he still covered his ears. It was just so loud - too loud. Too much. His eyes were closed but all he could see was his mother dying on the floor of their living room, Caitlin collapsing in his arms after losing her husband _again_. It all played in his head on repeat, over and over. 

He pushed against the rotting tree but it wouldn’t budge. He tried to stand but he slipped on those pink petals, his legs trembled, and he lost his footing, falling down hard. His head struck against the wood of the tree and pain radiated throughout his body, before everything went dark.

The first thing he became aware of was a soft, lilting humming sound. It was filled with so much warmth, so much compassion and it calmed his thundering heart. His head was pounding, but someone was stroking the hair against his temple and it felt so good, easing the pain. He groaned, his muscles stiff and sore.

“Sshh, not so fast. Just lay still. Just a little longer.” 

He scrunched his face, his eyes remaining closed. That voice . . . it was so familiar. Just as warm as while she was humming . . . singing . . . A quiet, haunting melody softly filled his ears and he reached out to grab the hand that stroked his hair. “C-Cait . . .” His eyelids started to open, but the sun was so bright he hissed. 

“Your eyes will be sensitive for a bit yet. Here, try to open them now.” 

Without question, he did as she said and found it was a bit darker. He looked up, squinting, to find his concerned friend staring back down at him. He frowned, seeing the tears in her eyes, his mind flashing back to holding her when she cried the day he’d failed to save Ronnie. Even though he’d kept watch over her as he had the rest of his friends, this was the closest he’d been to her since that awful day. Her head and body blocked the sunlight, casting a welcomed shadow over him. A few pink petals were scattered in her hair, and some fell and landed on his face.

“There he is.” Caitlin smiled sweetly, sniffling. He let go of her arm and she brushed the petals off his face before she resumed caressing his temple gently. She held her other hand over her face, blocking the sun from her own eyes. He shifted, finding himself laying down in her lap with his cheek resting against the light denim fabric on her thigh where she sat on the grass. The panels of her black sweater brushed against his shoulder and over his chest. “From the slight bruise here, I’m pretty sure you have a concussion. Or, had - it’s probably already healing.” He started to move to sit up but she lay her hand on his chest, flattening her palm against him. “No, no, no, just lay still.”

Fresh tears swam in his eyes and he wanted to turn away from her but something in him wouldn't. "I-I'm so s-sorry, Caitlin." 

"For what?" Her brows crinkled, teeth worrying over that bottom lip. 

“I should’ve saved him. I wanted to save him, for you.” He forced the words out. “And now the city wants to do this Flash Day and I just . . . We both know I wasn’t the real hero that day.”

Her hand stilled against the skin of his temple, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “Oh Barry . . .” She sighed sadly, shaking her head. Her fingers carded gently through his hair. “I know you did everything you could. I don’t blame you for Ronnie’s death, I blame myself.” 

He balked, tensing. “Why?”

She told him that when Ronnie first came back, he’d wanted the two of them to leave town together and she told him no. She paused for a moment, sniffling back tears. “I couldn't leave Star Labs, Dr. Wells…..you. If I had gone with him, Ronnie would still be alive. Being at Star Labs just made me think of that every single day. So no, Barry, I could never blame you.” A few drops of her tears landed on his cheek and he blinked. “Oh geez, you’re the one with a concussion and I’m just blubbering all over you.” She laughed, using the corner of her sweater to wipe the moisture from his skin. 

“No, it’s okay.” Barry said. “I mean . . . I was the one who tripped on my own two feet and hit my head on a tree trunk and knocked myself out.”

“I was wondering how you fell.” She mused. “Oh Barry Allen, if only your enemies knew how much of a klutz you are.”

“If they don’t at this point, they really only have themselves to blame.” He shrugged, warmth filling him at the sound of her giggle. 

“Are you okay?” She asked him, her smile turning serious.

“Are you asking as Dr. Snow or as my good friend Cait?” He turned to his side, reaching his arm around to wrap around her waist.

“Both are very worried. I talked to Joe and he’s concerned too. And neither Cisco nor Iris has heard from you either. I even went to visit your dad. He told me you’d just been there but you left upset.” She rested her hand on the side of his face. 

“You’re the one who just lost someone, I . . . I’ve been worried about you. Seeing Cisco’s texts was awful and I wanted to check on you myself, but I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” He cringed at the thought of her turning him away or worse.

Her expression softened, her bottom lip trembling for a moment while she held back tears. “Barry Allen, I’ll never not want to see you - not for any reason. Yes, I did just lose Ronnie but you’re my friend and I could never turn you away. We all lost a lot that day, and I can see in your eyes how much you’re hurting too. And I can see the dried tears.” Her thumb traced the lines of dried moisture on his cheek.

“Just been thinking about my mom, a lot actually. And, you. I was just lucky you were the one who found me in my vulnerable state.” He hugged her tighter. 

“I think we both know it wasn’t entirely that lucky.” She hummed. His hold on her loosened and he raised an eyebrow. “This place, this spot . . . it means something to both of us. A comfort. A peace. I think you came here today, like you have before, to grieve and mourn. And to think. Just like I have. Like you’ve seen me, watched me. Like how I came here to think when I couldn’t find you - and here you were.”

“I--I . . .” He stumbled, turning away from her.

She shook her head, resting her head on his chin to guide his gaze back to her. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be ashamed. I’ve always known you were there, since that first night after the Christmas party at Joe’s.”

“You knew?” He locked his eyes with hers.

“I could feel you. I can always feel you when you’re near me.” She told him. “Never really understood why, and I think my scientific brain would explode if I thought too hard on it. But yeah. Thinking back, I’m pretty sure I felt you in the crowd that night you got struck by lightning and just didn’t know what it was.”

“But you never said anything.” Barry said.

“You didn’t either.” She shrugged. “I figured you would when you were ready. I guess fate decided for the both of us.” 

“Guess so.” He sat up slowly, his head still pounding slightly as he settled beside her. “This place . . . my mom brought me here when I was a kid. It was always our place, a safe space. A quiet space. After she died . . .”

“You feel closer to her here.” Caitlin finished. Barry nodded, rubbing his eyes. “I actually found this place by accident. When I lost Ronnie the first time, I was in a pretty dark place. As cold and as quiet as I was when we first met, back then I was worse. I started going for walks, just to think. To get away from everything, away from the city and the noise and the memories.”

Barry listened to her, thinking that it could have been him talking. He’d often felt the same, that the activity and noise in the city made his sadness and anxiety worse. 

“One day I was out here walking, and there was a fawn stuck in the mud at the edge of the river.” Caitlin told him, patting the bark of the wooden trunk behind them. “Right here, actually, by this fallen tree. Pretty much where we’re sitting right now. The mother deer couldn’t get her baby out, so I pulled it out and the mother seemed so happy. She came right up to me and licked my face, rubbing her head against my shoulder.”

“That’s adorable, really. Wow.” Barry had seen deer and other animals in his time there, but they never came right up to him like that. 

“It was so surreal. I would’ve thought I was dreaming if I wasn’t soaked, covered in mud, and freezing. But it was amazing, and it’s stuck with me ever since. I watched the two deer prance away, disappearing into the sunlight down the river, and everything hit me at once. I fell back, probably about where I am now, and just started to cry. And I didn’t stop for hours, days . . . It was the first time I’d been able to cry since the night of the explosion, and it felt amazing to let it all out. After that I found myself coming back to this place when everything got too hard to breathe or think or feel.”

“And you knew I was there that first night, and all the times after. I could never tell, that you knew.” His hand reached out to take hold of hers, and she immediately wound her fingers with his. “I guess, I’ve never talked about this place with anyone but my mom.”

“Cisco knows, only that I go somewhere when I need to be alone, but he doesn’t know where.” Caitlin let out a heavy breath. “After that first night I saw you here, I . . .” She squeezed his hand, her eyes falling. “Barry, I think I’ve slowly been falling in love with you since before you woke up from the coma. Maybe since the day Dr. Wells brought me to the hospital to consult on a mystery patient for him and then we brought you to Star Labs.” 

Barry’s heart jumped in his chest, but his smile dropped at the sight of the tears in her eyes.

Caitlin lifted their hands, laying his against her chest over her button-down blouse. “I’ve wanted to kiss you, for longer than I probably even realize, but--”

“Never the right time.” Barry’s voice cracked. 

She nodded sadly. “My heart was still healing, still fractured. And then I found out Ronnie was still alive, and I was so focused on fixing him I couldn’t see what I was really feeling anymore.”

“I wanted so much to bring him back to you, to make you happy.” He told her. 

“I felt so guilty, because Ronnie wasn’t the only one in my heart anymore. He re-proposed and we got married so fast I didn’t have time to think about anything.” She stopped, letting go of his hand as tears fell down her cheeks. “And then I lost him again and you weren’t around and I felt so lost and confused.” Her tears grew and Barry wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. “Barry, I never blamed you for Ronnie’s death but I don’t think my heart is completely ready to let you all the way in either.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” He rubbed soothing circles along her back. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Nothing needs to change until we’re ready for it to.” He felt her nod, and let her cry for a few minutes until her breathing calmed down. He pulled back, his hands resting on each of her shoulders. Their eyes locked, silence draping between them as the only sounds that could be heard were of the forest around them. 

“Barry, you deserve to have it - Flash Day. All of it.” She stared into his eyes, and Barry felt as though he could get lost in hers forever. “You’re a hero, and you save this city every day. You deserve it all. The recognition, the gratitude. You’ll never admit that you do, but it’s true.” 

“My dad said the same thing. But what good are these powers if I can’t save everyone? Eddie. Ronnie. My mom. They’re all gone and I can never bring them back.” Barry shook his head, sighing as his arms let go of hers. He saw her flinch at her late husband’s name, but she shook it off just as quickly.

“Because we do what we can with what we have. We try, and we save who we can.” She bit her bottom lip, and his eyes were instantly drawn to them. He remembered when he’d first asked her about it, how her cheeks bled red and they laughed together lamenting both of their lack of a social life. He’d wanted to kiss her then too, and now he was wondering if she’d been thinking the same thing. Had they really both been falling for each other this whole time and neither one saw it?

“Later that first night at Christmas, I had a dream I was here with you.” He let the words fall from his lips. “But it was spring, and we were together and happy.” 

She sniffled, chuckling and looking around. She picked up a handful of the pink petals and let them fall into the air. “Like right now?”

“Something like that yeah.” He mused. His thumb brushed a tear from the corner of her eyes. “Less tears though. More laughing and, well, kissing.”

“Sounds lovely. Wonderful, even.” She smiled, even though he could see the shadow behind it.

“We’ll get there soon, I know we will.” He lay his hand on her knee, giving it a comforting squeeze. “I think we both have some healing to do first. And that’s okay. I do believe it’s this gorgeous genius doctor that I know that’s always telling me to have patience, and let my body do what it’s supposed to. What it was made to do.”

She shook her head. “So now you’ll listen to me but not when you’re on the gurney in my lab and I literally have to hold you down to get you to be still so I can stitch you up or reset your bones.”

He smirked, his mouth hanging open. “Ah . . . yeah . . . well . . .” He scratched the back of his head, shrugging.

“That’s what I thought.” She just laughed. “You are right though, we’ll just have to take this slow. See what happens.”

“Exactly. And this can be our spot, whenever we need it. Like it always has been, but now we’ll have each other too. We can just talk or sit or watch the water. Whatever we need. Let the rest figure itself--oomph!” He was cut off mid sentence as her lips suddenly collided with his. He wasn’t exactly sure when she’d moved, but she now faced him on her knees with her arms wrapped around his neck and her nose pressed against his. “Mmm, Cait, what, ah….” His hands rose to her hips, pulling her closer and breathing in the scent of her perfume that blended intoxicatingly with the flowers around them. 

She drew her head back, panting, and Barry was still frozen in a blissful shock. His heart thundered in his chest, skipping at the blush that seemed to grow on her cheeks and travel down the neckline of her blouse. His fingers dug deeper into her hips, sighing contently. “Was that okay? I just . . . I really wanted to do that.”

All he could think about was the feeling of her lips against his, how warm she felt under his hands, the way her fingers tangled in the hair at the base of his skull. How he wanted that again, and for it to never stop. She bit her bottom lip again, and started to pull away from him but he held her tighter and gently suckled on that lip with his own. “Stop worrying.” He breathed out, returning his attention to her and smirking when she moaned against him. 

Over the next few weeks, they continued to meet at their special river spot, though they agreed to keep the new development between them to themselves for now. Just as they agreed to wait for the more physical explorations of what they were feeling. 

She convinced him to get the team back together, everyone back at Star Labs. They were all there to cheer him on on Flash Day, as he stood up there with the mayor and received the key to the city. 

She sat right beside him, holding his hand tightly, as they watched the living will video together that Eobard Thawne left him when he left Star Labs to him. They were alone in her lab, everyone else gone for the night. She could feel the joy and relief pour out of his body when Thawne confessed to killing Nora Allen - which would clear Henry Allen of all charges and allow him to be released from prison. Barry stood up and cheered, pulling her up and wrapping his arms around her. She giggled and squealed as he picked her up and spun her around. Not even twenty four hours later, she watched with love and pride as he embraced his father for the first time since he was a child. 

They held a party for the elder Allen at Joe’s, to celebrate his homecoming. All of their friends and loved ones in one place, safe and happy and loved. Caitlin couldn’t help herself watching all of them smile all night, watching him. Barry was beaming, and she’d never seen him so weightless. It was extraordinary, truly. 

Life continued on for Team Flash, with more metas to stop and capture. They discovered the Singularity caused a breach between worlds, and now there was an evil speedster named Zoom after them. Along with it came a new friend from Earth 2, Jay Garrick, though it wasn’t entirely clear yet whether he could be trusted or not. Joe got a new partner in Patty Spivot who continuously flirted with Barry, but his mind and heart was too preoccupied with his favorite personal physician to even notice. Professor Stein grew unstable without Ronnie as a Firestorm partner, so the team rallied to find someone else to be a new partner.

As they began their search, Barry could see that all of the talk of her late husband was wearing on Caitlin. She grew distant, focusing on the work, and Barry continually tried and failed to get her to slow down and just take a breath. She wouldn’t even talk to him nor would she even meet him at their spot. It was as if they were going backwards in their relationship instead of forwards. Time was running out for Professor Stein, and Barry wasn’t sure their team would recover such another heavy loss - especially Caitlin. But they found luck and hope in Jefferson Jackson, who proved to be the perfect new Firestorm partner for Professor Stein. 

As he stood in front of the Stein home with Cisco, Caitlin, Joe, Jax, and Professor Stein, Barry could feel something in the spring air shift. They said their goodbyes to the Firestorm duo, with hugs all around. Barry watched with pride as an emotional Caitlin gave Jax the compass Ronnie always used to find his way home. They all stepped back to give the two travelers room. Caitlin had one arm around Cisco’s shoulder, but she also stepped over to embrace Barry’s arm. She leaned her head against his chest and he heard her sniffle. He lay his hand low on her back, kissing the top of her head. 

Jax and Professor Stein combined to their merged state, and took off into the air. The four of them left all looked at each other fondly, but Barry could see something in Caitlin's eyes. Something familiar, the same something that felt different in the air. The way she smiled at him, holding her hand up in a half wave, and said “See you later” even though she walked away from him with Cisco back to the Star Labs van. Something . . . hmm.

Barry followed Joe back to his car, smiling to himself as he tried to figure out that look in her eye. Joe commented on how much of a leap of faith Jax took to trust Professor Stein enough to merge, and the lesson Barry could take from that. Joe turned his head back to glance at Caitlin and Cisco, smirking and winking at his adopted son, before he got into the car. Barry’s eyes locked with Caitlin’s across the yard and she beamed at him warmly. 

There was definitely something in the air, that was for sure. Something warm, bright - hopeful. Spring, in its purest form. Something Barry hadn’t felt since his mother had been alive. Still grinning like an idiot, Barry got into the car too and Joe took off driving. 

Not much later, he decided to go for a walk instead of using his speed. He walked through the forest, along the same old path his mother and he ventured on for the first time so long ago. The same path he could find in his sleep he’d been on it so many times. He could feel her with him in some way, in his heart, as he walked. Guiding him, encouraging him, supporting him. He saw a family of deer roaming across the river and he chuckled to himself. The earth beneath his shoes felt different, more solid. A comforting reminder of how much the area meant to him. How much it meant to both of them, now.

As he was approaching the fallen tree next to the river, the breeze picked up and a curtain of pink petals flew in his face. He laughed, spitting out the petals and brushing them off his face. He came to stand next to the tree on the ground, taking a seat on the rotted wood. 

No sooner had he sat down did he hear a rustling of leaves and he turned his head, a grin stretching on his lips from ear to ear. Just as he rose to his feet again, her body collided with his in a warm, tight hug. Her arms clung to him, and he held her closer when he heard her sniffle and felt her tears against the skin of his neck.

“I’m in.” Caitlin mumbled through her tears. “I’m ready, and I want all in this.”

Barry leaned his head back to look at her, brushing tears from her eyes with his thumb. “Only if you’re sure. Because I’ll wait forever if I have to. I want us to do this the right way.”

“I’m sure, and I want to let you in.” She nodded, sniffling even as she grinned. “I lost the time I was supposed to have with Ronnie, and now he’s gone. I can’t do that again. I love you, Barry, and I want to live my life with you. Whatever life we have left.”

“I love you too, so much, Cait.” He kissed her softly, and then hugged her tight. The sun shone behind them, casting a warmth on them as they continued to kiss.

* * *

A year later found them again in their special place, a place that still remained only between them. They sat together on the grass where they’d spread out a large blanket, with her sitting between his legs giggling as he tickled and kissed her from behind. 

Spring bloomed around them, those pink petals flying around everywhere as they always did. The animals wandered around them, unbothered by the couple who frequently spent time in their forest now. The air was warm and inviting, perfect for her light blue dress and sandals and his shirt and jeans.

Barry whispered something in Caitlin’s ear and she giggled again, squirming as he continued to tickle her. Her legs kicked and she just barely missed their spread of lunch sandwiches, fruits, and desserts - though she did accidentally knock over her glass of wine onto the grass.

The couple stopped, looking at the fallen glass before looking at each other and laughing. “Oops.” Caitlin blushed, picking up the now empty glass and setting it in the basket nearby. “Though maybe if someone hadn’t tickled me….”

“I can’t help it that you’re so tickle-able.” He shrugged, kissing down her neck. She snorted, pushing playfully at his grabby hands even as she sighed contently. “In retrospect, if you’d just drank all your wine already it couldn’t have been spilled. Really though, I don’t think I’ve even seen you take one sip.” 

“Someone was too busy tickling and kissing me to let me drink.” She smirked, deflecting his question. 

“I just love you so much.” He shrugged. He picked up her left hand, kissing the ring that sat there. “And we have so much to celebrate, my fiance.”

She beamed at him, nodding. “We do, yes. Zoom is gone - finally. Ugh that fake Jay guy was a creep, always trying to flirt with me even though he knew I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

“Knew from the start I didn’t like that guy, even before we knew he was evil.” Barry scrunched his face. “But enough about him. He’s lucky I was able to stop him in time before he could kill my dad. We’re in a good place now. We’ll be getting married soon, and my dad is moving back to Central City for good. I have a brother now too, which is so cool. Wally’s awesome. And Joe and Iris are so happy to be able to connect with him now.”

“So much happiness for Team Flash.” She turned her head to kiss him, then lay back against his chest. She held up her hand, staring at her ring and twirling it with her fingers. “Cisco’s finally getting somewhere trying to get control of his powers. Iris is finally going to start that newspaper she’s always wanted. Harry and Jesse are safe and back on Earth 2.”

“We had a good year.” He nodded. “Not all of it was easy, but I’m excited for what the future’s going to bring.”

Something fluttered in Caitlin’s stomach and she grinned to herself, sitting up and turning to face her fiance. He smiled, kissing her. “Speaking of the future . . .” She let out a deep breath and opened her mouth to continue but a few drops of rain fell on her face. He cursed, and started to gather their things, but she shook her head. “It’s just a little rain. It’s perfect actually.” She kissed him softly, reaching down to grab his hand. An excited ease rushed through her as she lay his hand flat and low on her stomach over her light blue dress and felt him go completely still. She laughed into their kiss, joyful tears leaking from her eyes and adding to the rain drops. 

Barry pulled his head back to stare at her, his mouth open in shock as he looked down where his hand still lay on her stomach. His eyes widened as his hand gently clenched the now-damp fabric of her dress, a strange sound escaping his throat. His head tilted to the side and a soft grin erupted on his face. “Are you . . . are we?”

She nodded, giggling through her tears. Her hand squeezed his over her stomach where their child was just beginning to grow and she kissed him again. The rain continued to fall lightly around them but she felt so warm, so loved - happy. Healed.

Complete.

_fin_


End file.
